You too damn grown for that

Disclaimer:

This piece isn’t about the legal details or the specifics of the Shannon Sharpe lawsuit. There are already plenty of articles and updates covering that. What I want to focus on here is the bigger conversation—about age gaps, dating maturity, and the power dynamics we often ignore when it comes to relationships between older men and younger women.

Okay, let’s talk. I wasn’t planning on diving too deep into this Shannon Sharpe situation at first. Honestly, celebrity drama usually feels like noise after a while. And yeah, celebrity headlines are loud right now. Kanye’s doing the most again too. But this? This hit a different nerve. Still, the more I sat with it, the more I realized it’s not really about Shannon himself. It’s about something way bigger. It’s about us as a society, how we look at relationships, and how we understand (or misunderstand) what makes them healthy, appropriate, or even fair. Here’s the gist: Shannon Sharpe, a 56-year-old man, is allegedly involved with a 21-year-old woman. Let’s put aside the specifics of any accusations or legal issues for a second. Just think about those numbers. 56 and 21. It feels off, right? Almost everyone I’ve spoken to about this has an immediate reaction. They cringe, they question, they wonder. And it’s because instinctively, we understand that this isn’t just about age. It’s about the imbalance of power, experience, maturity, and expectations.

When I first heard about this, my initial thought was, “Wait, couldn’t he practically be her grandfather?” And yes, that’s a bit of hyperbole, but it also hints at something real. At 56, you’ve lived through multiple phases of adulthood. At 21, you’ve barely started. Legally, sure, she’s an adult. She can vote, she can rent an apartment, she can even join the military. But legality isn’t the same thing as emotional readiness or maturity. Not by a long shot.

So why do older men gravitate toward much younger women in the first place? (And it’s not just men, by the way. Tracee Ellis Ross just spoke about not wanting to be with men around her age as well. Now, that’s another conversation for another day. Maybe we will give that a look too, but I think we can cover some of the same reasonings here as well.)

At any rate, this got me thinking about a recent conversation I had. We were debating the age at which someone truly becomes a mature adult. Biologically speaking, your brain doesn’t even fully mature until around 25 or 26. Think about that. Until your mid-twenties, your cognitive functions, especially the ones governing decision-making, impulse control, and judgment, are still under construction. You’re literally still becoming who you’re going to be. And that matters profoundly in relationships.

But here’s something else to consider: age isn’t always the best indicator of maturity. I’ve known people who are 50, but emotionally they’re still teenagers, impulsive, irresponsible, and totally unprepared for healthy relationships. At the same time, I’ve met people in their late twenties or early thirties who’ve gone through enough life experiences and introspection to handle themselves and their relationships with remarkable wisdom.

This leads us to what I call “dating maturity.” It’s a term I started using when trying to explain why certain relationships, even among adults, feel unbalanced. Dating maturity isn’t about how old you are. It’s about how experienced you are, emotionally, relationally, even spiritually. It’s about how clearly you see yourself, how openly you communicate, and how effectively you handle conflicts. It’s about whether you’ve genuinely done the internal work to understand what love and partnership require.

When there’s a significant mismatch in dating maturity, there’s inevitably a power imbalance. The person with more dating experience naturally holds more control, sometimes consciously, often unconsciously. They understand their emotional landscape better. They’re often clearer about their desires and boundaries. In contrast, the less experienced partner might be unsure, vulnerable, or easily influenced, even if they’re legally adults.

This doesn’t mean every relationship with an age gap is doomed or exploitative. Sometimes two adults with vastly different ages can meet in a place of genuine equality. But let’s be honest, those cases are exceptions, not the rule. More often, especially in relationships involving someone barely out of their teens paired with someone decades older, the dynamics are skewed.

Think about what draws a 20-year-old to a 50-year-old in the first place. Typically, it’s not mutual life goals or shared maturity. Usually, it’s stability, security, or resources, maybe even status. These aren’t inherently bad things, but they rarely sustain long-term relationships because they’re transactional rather than relational. Eventually, the younger person grows up, develops a clearer sense of identity, and the cracks begin to show. The older person, who enjoyed control, might become resentful or insecure as their partner outgrows their dependency.

On the flip side, what drives a much older adult to pursue someone so young? It could be a desire for control, a longing for lost youth, or an attempt to mold someone into their ideal partner. Again, this isn’t a healthy foundation for love. Love thrives in mutual respect, equal footing, and shared understanding, not in manipulation or dependency.

Let’s zoom out further. This issue isn’t just a celebrity problem. It’s reflected in everyday relationships everywhere. We’ve all seen it, a friend dating someone significantly younger who clearly isn’t ready for the complexity of adult partnership. We might even rationalize it. “She’s mature for her age,” or, “He really takes care of her.” But deep down, we know that something’s off.

I think it’s crucial we start addressing this openly, not from a place of judgment, but from a place of genuine concern and honesty. We need to talk about why it matters to be emotionally and relationally compatible, not just legally or physically attracted. We need to emphasize the importance of emotional safety and self-awareness in relationships, particularly when there’s a significant age gap.

Ultimately, dating maturity is about self-awareness, experience, and emotional depth. It’s about knowing yourself, your boundaries, and your emotional needs, and equally understanding your partner’s. Relationships aren’t just about how two people feel about each other, they’re about how two people grow together, respect each other, and communicate openly.

So, going back to our original reference: Shannon Sharpe is a conversation starter, sure. But the real dialogue we should be having is much broader. It’s about how we define healthy relationships, how we protect emotional well-being, and how we navigate the tricky terrain between age, experience, and love. It’s about calling out predatory dynamics, not normalizing them.

Because at the end of the day, the goal should always be genuine connection, not power, not status, not control. And genuine connection thrives best when both partners are equally empowered, equally aware, and equally mature, regardless of their birthdates.

As always,

Peace,

CCC